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Uncomfortable with some aspects...
by evevt (evevt)
at September 14th, 2015 (10:07 am)

Hi,
I'm new here, and quite new in all this transgenderism and identity stuff. I still can't define what I am as no term seem to fit me. Everything feels off. I joined this community so I could share, and get to understand myself better, maybe make some friends that would only know this side of me, and get some advice on what I am uncomfortable about.

What I can say is how I actually feel: like I have a second superimposed body that is female, and that feels like it is the real me, or rather, an upgraded me. I still feel comfortable with my body (no dysphoria), but whenever I have positive emotions (joy, love, mostly), I feel this second skin quite vividly.

I have thought about transitioning, but I have many concerns, once of which feels superficial: I am afraid that I wouldn't turn up as beautiful as I feel I would be...

Comments

Posted by: Cameron (sparkythegeek)
Posted at: September 18th, 2015 12:38 am (UTC)
Spiral

Just wanted to say hey! since I just spotted your post and saw that no one had commented yet.

I can say that I understand your concern about beauty. Mine's the opposite, worrying that I won't look "male enough", whatever that means! Slowly working on it as I socially transition.

Anyway, welcome to the game of figuring the self out...

Posted by: Terrors (terrors)
Posted at: September 20th, 2015 04:08 pm (UTC)
just drive

Part of what held me back for so long, was the worry about my transition not matching what I felt like inside. I think we feel similarly in that respect.

Part of my decision to go ahead with it was I had promised myself to live more authentically. I felt like I was still hiding by not coming out and transitioning. What I found was that, even if the changes didn't match what I saw in my head, they helped me by confirming that I am indeed male.

I hope that makes some sort of sense. c:

Posted by: aumentou (aumentou)
Posted at: September 22nd, 2015 01:33 pm (UTC)

One of the things about transitioning is that you don't have to do it all. You don't have to do everything, and certainly not all at once. You can just do what feels good, taking things in your own time. Well, subject to local socio-political conditions, anyway.

"I am afraid that I wouldn't turn up as beautiful as I feel I would be..."

I don't know if it's any use to say it, but that's basically true for everyone, including cis people. "Beautiful" is after all an exceptional state.

Posted by: evevt (evevt)
Posted at: October 30th, 2015 06:39 pm (UTC)

That issue is mostly due that what I feel is not that I am A woman, but rather a specific woman. I can even feel the facial features as if it were a second skin. And I'm not sure I'd want any kind of transition that doesn't match this... :/

Gosh I feel really silly for thinking like that... I may not want to do it at all (in the event that my social situation would allow it) just because it'd feel a bit fake. :(

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